I used to think the toddler years were tough. The tantrums, the meltdowns over the wrong color cup, the endless negotiations—it was exhausting. But at least, with a toddler, their emotions were right there in the open. You always knew what they were feeling because they made sure you heard it (loudly).
Then, my kids became tweens. And suddenly, I found myself in a whole new emotional minefield—one filled with slammed doors, deep sighs, eye rolls, and one-word answers that left me feeling like I was speaking a language they no longer understood. No one really warned me that this phase would feel like walking on eggshells, never knowing if my question about their day would be met with actual words or just a shrug.
What’s Really Going on With Tweens?
One day, my child is sweet and snuggly, asking for my advice on everything. The next, they’re acting like I’m the most embarrassing person on the planet. It’s confusing, frustrating, and honestly, a little heartbreaking. But here’s what I’ve learned: it’s all normal.
Tweens (typically ages 9-12) are in a weird in-between stage of life. They’re not little kids anymore, but they’re not quite teenagers either. Their bodies are changing, their brains are developing rapidly, and their emotions? All over the place. They want independence, but they’re not quite ready for it. They still need you, but they don’t want to admit it. It’s like they’re riding an emotional rollercoaster, and we, as moms, are just trying to hang on.
Why They Seem So Moody
If your tween goes from happy to upset in 0.5 seconds, you’re not alone. Their brains are going through major development, particularly in the areas responsible for emotions and decision-making. This means they feel things intensely but don’t always know how to process or express them.
What does this look like in real life?
- Outbursts over small things – One time, my tween nearly burst into tears because I got the “wrong” brand of cereal. It had nothing to do with the cereal—it was just the thing that tipped the scale that day.
- Pulling away but still needing reassurance – They’ll act like they don’t want to hang out with you, but then they’ll randomly start talking your ear off about their favorite video game or YouTuber.
- Getting easily frustrated – Whether it’s schoolwork, siblings, or even their own feelings, tweens can get frustrated quickly because they’re learning how to handle emotions that feel really big to them.
How to Handle the Emotional Swings
Navigating tween emotions isn’t about fixing them—it’s about understanding them. And trust me, that was a hard lesson for me to learn. Here are some things that have helped:
- Don’t take it personally. This was a game-changer for me. When my tween snapped at me for no reason, I used to feel hurt or annoyed. Now, I remind myself that it’s not about me—it’s about them trying (and struggling) to regulate their emotions.
- Give them space, but stay close. Sometimes, tweens just need a little breathing room. I’ve found that when I give them space and don’t push too hard, they often come to me when they’re ready.
- Validate their feelings. Saying, “I get why that’s frustrating” or “That sounds really tough” goes a long way. Even if their reaction seems over-the-top, their feelings are very real to them.
- Pick your battles. I’ve learned to let go of the little stuff. Not every eye roll or deep sigh needs a response. If it’s about safety or respect, sure, we address it. But if it’s just moodiness? Sometimes, I let it slide.
- Create small connection moments. Tweens may push us away, but deep down, they still crave connection. I’ve found that small, no-pressure moments work best—watching a show together, sending a funny meme, or just sitting near them while they do homework.
You’re Not Alone in This
If you’ve ever felt frustrated, confused, or even a little heartbroken by your tween’s emotional ups and downs, I want you to know—you’re not alone. This stage of parenting is tough, but it’s also just that—a stage. And just like the toddler tantrums, it won’t last forever.
One day, we’ll look back and realize that behind all those mood swings and attitude-filled moments, our tweens were just figuring themselves out. And through it all, we were there—being their safe place, even when they acted like they didn’t need us.
So, on the hard days, take a deep breath. Give yourself grace. And remember, you’re doing better than you think.
Take it easy, momma. 💛
Pingback: The Power of Active Listening: How Moms Can Build Trust with Teens – MommyWithAGoal
Now that my kids are in their twenties, I can well relate to this article, which is a well-researched and insightful read! It beautifully captures the emotional highs and lows of preteens, offering valuable guidance for parents navigating this transformative phase.
This post really resonated with me! Navigating a tween’s emotions can feel like a constant rollercoaster. I appreciated the insights on understanding their behaviors and how to manage the ups and downs. It’s a challenging yet rewarding time, and this post gave me some great tools to help.
Another well explained and very well explained topic by you. You make things so easy for people and parents to understand. loved it.
Tweens go through so many emotions, and it’s not always easy to understand them. Being patient and supportive is indeed very important.
This post perfectly captures the emotional whirlwind of parenting tweens! The comparison to toddler tantrums but with hidden emotions is so relatable. I love the advice on not taking mood swings personally and creating small connection moments—it’s a great reminder that even when they push us away, they still need us. The encouragement at the end really resonated with me. Parenting through this stage is tough, but knowing it’s just a phase makes it a little easier to handle. Thank you for such a thoughtful and reassuring post!