The Hardest Part About Parenting Tweens No One Warned Me About

I always knew parenting would be challenging. Sleepless nights with a newborn, tantrums from a toddler, and the endless energy of a kindergartner—I braced myself for those. But no one warned me about this stage. No one told me that raising a tween would feel like standing in the middle of an emotional hurricane, one moment basking in their affection and the next wondering if I had somehow become their arch-nemesis.

The Shift I Never Saw Coming

One day, my sweet little shadow, who used to follow me everywhere, started closing her bedroom door. At first, I shrugged it off. She’s growing up, I told myself. But then came the sighs. The eye rolls. The “Mom, you just don’t get it.” Suddenly, I wasn’t the center of her world anymore—I was an outsider trying to decode a language I never learned.

I missed the simplicity of bedtime cuddles and butterfly kisses. Now, I was navigating mood swings, one-word answers, and an attitude I wasn’t prepared for. No one told me how lonely parenting a tween could feel.

Walking the Tightrope of Connection and Independence

I learned quickly that tweens crave independence, even when they’re not ready for it. They want to make their own decisions but still need guidance. They want space but don’t want to feel abandoned. It’s a delicate balance, and I found myself constantly questioning: Am I giving her too much freedom? Not enough? Am I being too strict? Too lenient?

And then there’s the unpredictable emotional rollercoaster. One day, we’re laughing over ice cream, and the next, I’m the villain who “ruins everything.” I used to take it personally, but I’m learning that much of it isn’t about me—it’s about them figuring out their emotions, their identity, their place in the world.

What Helped Me Survive (So Far)

1. Choosing Battles Wisely
   Not everything deserves a war. If mismatched socks and messy hair make her feel independent, I let it go. I save my energy for the real battles—kindness, responsibility, and respect.
2. Showing Up, Even When Pushed Away
   I used to think, “She doesn’t want me around.” But deep down, she still needs me. So I show up in small ways—sitting with her while she scrolls TikTok, bringing her favorite snack, or just being in the same room. Presence speaks louder than words.
3. Letting Them Feel Heard
   When she vents about school drama, I resist the urge to fix it. Instead, I listen. “That sounds frustrating,” goes a lot further than, “You should do this…” Sometimes, they just need to know we’re on their side.

No One Told Me, But I’m Telling You

If you’re feeling the growing pains of parenting a tween, you’re not alone. It’s a wild, messy, emotional ride—but one we’re all on together. Some days, it feels like we’re losing them. But then, in between the sighs and eye rolls, they let us in—a late-night heart-to-heart, a hug out of nowhere, a small “Thanks, Mom.”

And those moments? They remind me that even in the hardest parts, we’re still their safe place.

Take it easy momma,

Jeannine