Proven tips on how to lessen self-doubt and increase confidence

It’s been a long battle over gender equality and even though the gap between access to opportunities and power have had a big improvement since years before, we all know that in the real world, women have still a lot to catch up, not only because the laws have changed or society have been more welcoming but it’s because of our nature as a women itself.

Let’s face it, if we want something, we also have to “man-up”, don’t we? Unfortunately, most women fall short on this expectation. A perfect example for this was from a Forbes article where it states a compelling statistic from a Hewlett Packard internal report stating: Men apply for a job when they meet only 60% of the qualifications, but women apply only if they meet 100% of them.

So, is it gender equality the only problem or we ourselves need to change if we want to have more slices of the cake? I for sure have no doubt women can do more, we just need more…encouragement and believe more on our capabilities.

Most women, especially after having children tend to forget about their ambition and dreams as if their children won’t be growing up and having lives of their own then leave them, what??? Not knowing who they really are already because they’ve grown into this mom who’s main purpose of living is their children.

I’m not in any way telling you to abandon your responsibilities as a parent to chase for your dreams, but simply to take time also for yourself and not to swallow your own identity while you’re still alive. No matter if you’re a working mom or a SAHM, you can still find time for yourself, to reflect, be internally happy and by any means, continue with a hobby you once loved.

With Self-Care in mind, here’s some tips on how to simply let go of those insecurities you have and hesitations you might have inside you and just go for the things you love doing and find yourself and be “YOU” once again!

Note: Every tip will have a particular example for both working mom and SAHM, cause, why not?!

5 Second Rule

Working Mom: Have you been in a meeting and you’ve been itching to ask something you know is relevant enough but suddenly you can’t find your tongue for some reason for you to talk?? Well, we’ve all been there. Keep your calm, count to yourself 5..4..3..2.. and blurt it out. (well, raise your hand first of course🤪)

No matter how the outcome of your message would be, well, at least you’ve put it out from your chest and able to tick that one out from your mind instead of thinking about it till dinner time and wonder what the answer could be if you only had the courage to talk. Believe in yourself, you can do it!😉

SAHM: It’s been two years since I’ve shifted careers and I can tell you how difficult it was for me and my ego to talk freely at home. Not that my hubby was authoritative or anything, he’s the opposite actually and always reminds me that his earnings is mine as well, but just the thought of me “not working as what society dictates” made me so so conscious about it. So this feelings was pretty much prevalent especially when it comes to purchasing things.

Anyways, it took me a long time and tons of practice doing the 5 Second Rule before I could over come those inner doubts within me and know that I’m worthy of our household’s earnings and that I can feel at ease purchasing things that I want, same as before. Nowadays, whenever those doubts creeps back, I simply count to myself, 5..4..3..2..then I go head on whatever it is that I feel I want to say or do.

Do not strive for perfection

Working Mom: I guess there’s no better example for this than the statistics from Hewlett Packard earlier. If you want to climb that career ladder, then don’t wait for you to be 100% sure that you’re ready for the new role. You’ll learn things along the way, but before you could do that, you need to do the first move first and gather that courage to apply.

SAHM: There’s no doubt having a squeaky clean home has been one thing in your checklist everyday that you miss to tick. Well, with kids and all, what do you expect. Except of course when your MIL is coming, then you do that extra effort of making sure your home is tidy but for everyday, let’s not not be fooled by what you see in Social Media. It’s all been staged!!!

There’s no need add more pressure to your tired body for not being able to make your home look like a showroom at IKEA. As long as you can prepare food on time, been able to wash and put back clothes in drawers before the last shirt is used, then you’re good to go! Don’t take those too literally though, what I meant was as long as your home looks like a human stays in it, then you’re all good!

Your kids would love you to spend time with them playing instead of seeing you scrub floors then eventually screaming at them for spilling juice over. I’m sure you won’t hear a word from your hubby either as he’ll take that rather than you ranting every night how tiring your day have been. And last but not the least, your body would thank you more than ever for taking care of yourself. Prioritising yourself rather than how your home looks like is the best thing you could give yourself. So chill, relax and have a good time!

Learn from mistakes

Working Mom: We all mistakes and even though your company pays you, know that they’re well aware they hire a human who are compelled to make mistakes. What’s important though is we acknowledge the mistakes, review our failures and learn from them so as not to make the same mistake again.

Thinking too much about that single mistake and contemplating about it too much can hurt your self-esteem. Instead of being able to excel and show off what you’ve got on other tasks, you’ll feel timid instead.

SAHM: Parenthood doesn’t come with a manual. There isn’t any right or wrong parent in the world and mostly, each parent’s action is based on pure love and instincts. Mistakes are therefore inevitable but know that along the way, you’re learning and you just need to trust on yourself.

I hope these tips go a long way for you as it did for me. Know that each one of us has been born with skills we’ll need to live and expected to use for the good. Keeping them to yourself just because of self-doubt is just unfathomable.

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5 Tips for moms to get back their Self Confidence with the help of Self-Care

Parenthood is one of the most memorable moment that a married couple could have. I for one know without a doubt that the effect my daughter had to my whole being, in all aspects of life, is priceless.

While most of this is a positive effect, we can’t deny there are some that isn’t as well. Somehow along the road of becoming a mother, not all things turns out great. When our priority changes and our world becomes our children, most moms often find themselves lost within their own self.

We tend to see more of this kind of blog for first time moms but in reality, even if a mom is a second or third time mom, most haven’t gotten back their self-confidence or better yet, be at least their same self or find their own identity and not just as a mom. Or worst, those articles that encourages mother’s to be confident when moms are mostly born with maternal instincts. What most moms do have problem though is the confidence of finding their own identity again after being a mom.

Here’s 5 tips every mom could use to bring that confidence back:

1.Learn to overcome the Bad Mommy Syndrome

Focusing too much for your child’s welfare, way too much that you often label yourself a bad mom for choosing to do something you love is not good. How often do you feel guilty for doing something for yourself? Have you ever given any thought that by feeling guilty every time you choose to give-in to your own indulgence also impairs that confidence you’ve once have in yourself in doing things that you love?

Standing up for yourself to do what you love doing takes some guts to do. Don’t let your motherhood take away from you that courage you’ve once had in you but instead, let your motherhood add to your experience to become more confident in doing things.

Your preferences, likes, and hobbies may be different from what you have before but you are still you. You just need to ignite once again that goodness in you.

2.Stop caving in to advice

Motherhood is a tribe where you’re always get’s unsolicited parenting advice no matter if you want it or not. Believe it or not, all of them offer their advice with utmost sincerity for your betterment. The reason why some advices won’t be good for you though is because each one of us live different lives with different circumstances.

One may advice that is’t good for your children to sleep in another room for them to learn independence at a young age. This may be good training for children, if only you live in a house with rooms available for every member of your family. If you’re like us, well, we still co-sleep our daughters (currently 7 and 6 yrs old) not only because that’s our preference but because we also can afford to rent a room, instead of a whole house. Get me?

This decision has been made by me and my husband and it’s something I won’t be shy to talk about. This decision has helped my family align our finances the way we want it to be. Having that confidence to defy other’s advice would not only help you live your life the way you want it to be but also be able to adapt this habit in every aspect of your life.

3. Don’t be shy to take notes

We might have used “mom-brain” more often that we should but most of the times, we are just too shy to admit that our brain isn’t working as sharp as it was. I’m not sure if there’s really any scientific connection of giving birth to our brain function and getting old. What I’m pretty sure though is that one reason why we get forgetful because as we get older, our responsibilities gets bigger as well.

When you have your first child, you would always get a routine fixed on your head. Both of you would follow that routine without fail. Then comes your second and third one. Oh! And add to that soccer practice, ballet, and you sold your other car. So now you need to drop by your hubby’s office to pick him up at 6pm. Oh wow that responsibility quickly escalated and I’m sure your brain would surely give up on you anytime soon if you don’t pick-up that pen and paper (or better yet your phone) to make a to do list.

Decluttering your mind by taking notes isn’t something shameful to do. It helps actually boosts your confidence in doing the things you need to do because you know that that’s what you should be doing at this certain time of the day. Not only do you look organised but you feel it as well. Read more on how decluttering helps you HERE.

3.Stop being shy to speak up

Motherhood is one of the toughest job. One shouldn’t feel belittled whenever they ask for help when needed. Instead feel confident that you’re able to acknowledge your weakness and find a way/ solution to address it. While there isn’t a right or wrong way in parenting, asking other’s help to be able to accomplish more as a mother or even just give yourself some break is important.

Let’s accept it, two pairs of hands and feet can be better than one. We don’t live in the medieval period where women’s main role is to keep the household intact. Aside from nowadays more women are joining the work force or rather have the option if they want to pursue a career, we see most households with men helping around the house as well despite their wives being Stay At Home Moms. We’re all living in the same home anyway, so responsibilities should also be shared.

The catch is, most men aren’t born with the same will as women. Most times, men are more than willing to help, they are just waiting for someone to tell them to do so. So women, it’s actually up to you to build up that confidence and speak up what you need help with. Need 10 minutes to take a bath? Ask your partner/ hubby to watch over your kids for 10 minutes. You might not come back as what you expect (snacks and toys everywhere to clean) but hey, you’re able to take a bath in peace! And besides, snacks and toys would still be everywhere anyways, so why not add that self-love on the side and enjoy a bath!

4.Hiding your emotions

This is actually tied up with #3 but for the sake of highlighting emotions, we had it in a separate humber. Women are born more emotional than men. As cliche as it sounds, getting married though still means you get to live your life with another human being with different background, preferences, etc. This causes friction for someone to hold back their words and emotions which often results to not showing their own true self and hiding behind a persona that they know would be acceptable of their other half.

Doing this in the long run could potentially turn out to an outburst of kept feelings and emotions you’ve been hiding for years. Living with fear of not being accepted as who you are shouldn’t be the case when you find your partner in life. They should be the person who you can open up with no matter what and they in return accepts who you are.

Only with this are you able to be confident again and free yourself of any emotions you have and will have. Motherhood can bring out more emotions that you think you can feel. That surreal feeling of giving birth, the joy and pain of it, the happiness your child brings and the hardships you often do that goes unnoticed. That adds up! It’s not only how you look in the outside that matters, but what you feel in the inside as well. The peacefulness in your heart often resonates how people see you. No great make-up can hide the loneliness in your eyes if your heart is heavy.

5.Finding mutual happiness

When it comes to parenthood/ motherhood, we often push back our own happiness for our children. Even I to this day fall victim for this. And it frustrates me more as I know how and why it happens yet still let myself get controlled by it.

How many times have you been doing things for your children with a gritted teeth behind or a long to-do list behind your head that you kept on thinking how to accomplish yet here you are playing with your child for them to stay happy (cause that’s what parents do). Well, the truth is, no matter what age your child is, you should still be able to be control of yourself. No, I don’t mean letting your child cry and get hungry so you can fold laundry and tick that off your checklist. Believe it or not, children are wiser that we thought and they’re great followers too!

So put those perspectives into good use! Make a routine that would work for both of you. Little ones tend to sleep more so make sure to use those time pockets wisely. Their morning nap could be used to clean up a bit of the house or yourself or eat at peace. Afternoon naps could be used to catch up on your Zzzz’s as well or spend some quality time with other members of the family. Remember though that all this can be done by putting down that culprit “phone” of yours. hahaha.

Create an invisible line to make sure both you and your child know your limits. Learn to say “NO” to them without feeling bad about doing so. As I’ve decided to embark on this journey of blogging, my time as a full-time SAHM has surely become less despite my responsibilities (chores) didn’t. Yet, on times when I’m able to fully follow a routine with my daughters, I’m able to keep up with everything I’m juggling with yet still be able to keep them happy for spending time with them without being distracted physically(doing other chores at the same time) or mentally(thinking of other stuff to do).

It is only with this that both you and your child could be happily living. Giving up on things you want to do in life for others is a short-lived dream. Learn to manage your time, know your priorities and you’ll find a way to do all of them without compromising the other. Sit time, take time to think through your game plan. That’s more strategic than just diving into your day and just accept the chaos of life when there is for a fact a solution to it.

Your happiness is your family’s(husband and children) happiness too. You are the light of your home. Whatever emotions and feelings you have within you resonates to them. You can feel the tension at home when you’re not your real self because you’re frustrated of not being able to do things you want to do just to fulfil what other’s want you to do. By addressing yourself first (always), you’re sure to be able to give them, your family, the best version of you and best love and care you could ever give.

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