All you need to know about Self-Care

I’ve asked through IG stories this week what do moms struggle the most. A lot of you have responded (thanks!) and though you said it in different ways, most of it is addressed towards the thought of lacking enough time(both for yourself and the people you love).

As a mother of two, I totally understand how hard it is to squeeze all your responsibilities in 24 hours and have time for yourself. Believe me, I get it. But what’s mind-boggling is, asking why do most of us feel that way? Do we really need more time or there’s a deeper reason why we think this way, perhaps comparing to others? Why do we struggling with time when there’s tons of ways and things we can use, especially nowadays with the help of technology, to give us a helping hand?

We all know that time is constant and if we want change in our life, that change needs to come from us. Here’s how it can be done:

First and for most, I think it is important to rationalise if this feeling is really ours. You see, most of who we are and what we do/think is affected by the society we live in or the people around us. So I want you to ask yourself this questions:

  1. Why do I feel I don’t have enough time in a day? Is it because you see your friend’s photo on a beach with her family having fun when you’re stuck at home, tired doing chores, hubby so busy watching his fave TV show and frustrated kids having tantrums every minute longing for your attention?
  2. Do I really need to work that long? Or you try to multitask the wrong way by mixing leisure while doing work? You think that you can accomplish more by doing that but end up feeling frustrated not being able to give time for yourself and have a half-hearted task accomplished.
  3. Do I neglect taking care of myself first before I think of taking care of others/ doing other things for other people? Have you been living a martyr life even if you barely live any quality a real saint would have? When was the last time you felt genuinely happy and not because others are happy?

No life is easy. Everyone has their own struggles in life. The only reason why others carry their problems more lightly than others is because they make sure to fill their cup first before diving into whatever life has to offer them. When you know you’re complete and you as you, you can do whatever it is that’s needed to be accomplished.

Secondly, understanding that Self-Care means much more than a day in a spa. Self-Care actually affects every aspect of your life and if you aren’t that mindful about it, then that becomes a problem.

Self-Care affects doesn’t only affects how you look physically but mentally as well. If affects your emotions, how you personally, and how you interact socially. Not only that, your spiritual relationship is affected as well. And let’s not forget how it affects you financially and the effects of it on how you perform any job (as a SAHM or working-mom).

Most of the time we live our lives like a living zombie just letting days flow as it is without much thought when in reality, you should do every aspect of your living with purpose.

The moment you live your life mindfully, everything that you say, do, and interact with would be done the way you want it to be even without much thinking about it. The Law of Attraction kicks in, the universe would align and nothing could/ would stop your success. (Okay, I’m exaggerating a bit) We know that this barely happens. You’ll sooner/later face hiccups but because you’re in such good spirits, you’ll surely find a way to solve the problem.

You might be asking now, how does Self-Care helps in solving my problem with time?

Well, you actually won’t be having that problem at all because all aspect of your being have been taken care of. You’ll be living your life with contentment and live life without regrets.

Still finding it hard to grasp what I meant? Schedule a FREE Discovery Call and let’s make that clear once and for all. That’s what this tribe is for, right?!

Are you unintentionally sabotaging your way to healthy lifestyle?

First thing you might have noticed is the use of this phrase “way to healthy lifestyle” instead of just saying diet. Well, it’s because that’s what this blog wants you to have instead of just a fad diet you’ll do for a month or so and then go back to your old ways of adding more to your waist line.

Being a mother of 2 girls, currently 6 and 7 years old, I’ve struggled and still on my way to where I want my body to be. Having the girls also made me realise how I should change my way of doing things.

Backstory: I’ve always have this petite body growing up. My parents actually had a hard time putting some meat on me. My relatives would often joke them to feed me well. haha..I guess they felt offended in a way (especially my mom!) that’s why they would use that 2 months school vacation we spend in Japan every year to at least make me look plump. (yes, I love Japanese food and still do!) It was up until I was in college that I could do those one day no rice thing whenever I felt fat and got a “big” belly then the next morning, it would be flat again.

So that’s my backstory and if you could have any takeaways on it, I hope it could be not to force your child to eat. Let them grow at their own pace. As long as you know they’re getting the right nutrients in their body, they are good. A plump looking child doesn’t always mean healthy.

Most women struggle with weight issues after giving birth. No wonder there’s tons and tons of products you can buy to lose weight. Others ever resort to going under the knife just to bring back that youthful look.

But do we really need to struggle that much? Don’t we have enough struggles dealing with life responsibilities that we really need to add more to it instead of being contented with a functioning body that we already have? Answering as a human, the answer to that is a simple “NO!”

We all have the freedom to choose how we want to deal with our body issues but I hope you choose the one that could inspire the children you’re raising (and idolise you) and the one that could last in long term.

A healthy lifestyle is always the way to go! That means choosing the right food to eat and the way you life which we could talk about in another article.

For now, let’s talk about how you could potentially sabotage whatever diet/ way you’re doing to address your weight issues. Here are simple ways you could do to somehow make your way to losing weight a lifestyle that you could live on.

1. Do not watch cooking shows at night

Most of us grown this habit of watching TV at bed as a way to make us sleep. As unhealthy as it is to having a sound sleep that’s how it is (we do that too!haha). Anyways, don’t make our unhealthy habits worst by watching cooking shows. There’s tons of shows you could watch, pick anything aside from something that would make you crave and feel hungry.

The worst thing you want to do at 10pm is to grab your phone and have some food delivered in the middle of the night just because of sudden cravings. Not only is the food you for sure ordered (more or less from a fast food) not good for your body but you’re also not supposed to eat at least 4 hours before sleeping to have a sound sleep.

Then you complain you’re too tired when waking up?! Com’n! You are the only one in control of your body, whatever output it gives is because of the input that you do to it. Be mindful of your actions.

2.Not drinking enough water

This is one thing I still have a hard time doing till this day. Quite puzzling I know, especially if your know that I’ve lived my entire life in tropical countries, which is supposed to make me feel thirsty all the time. Well, not the case for me.

This bad habit even threatened my first pregnancy when my amniotic fluid was too low for the number of weeks I’m in my pregnancy. This could have been prevented by just drinking more water. (I tried, okay!)

Nowadays, I have my good and bad days. Good ones are when I’m able to refill my 1 L personal water bottle by mid-day. Bad days are when I only remember about my water bottle when the sun is about to set. 🤦‍♀️ Yes, I could be that bad in drinking water.

When it comes to losing weight, water intake has a big role. Not only would it help you feel hydrated throughout the day but it could also eliminate potential misleading hunger signals.

3.Doing grocery when hungry

This one is a common one and you might have heard of it already but let’s still add it here to set as a reminder.

Grocery shopping comes in hand with losing weight or making your way to a healthier lifestyle. Even if you don’t cook at home, you more or less still drop by a grocery store to buy food. Mindfully making the right food choices to support the lifestyle that you want to entail is crucial.

When you go grocery shopping with an empty stomach, you tend to pick up more food that your body don’t need. Grocery shops intentionally place their goods according to marketing strategies and if you aren’t mindful enough, you’ll fall to those traps easily.

Not only would the food you buy those that aren’t good for your body, you might end up buying too much as well than what you intended.

4. Starving yourself

Common misconception to weight issues is blamed on food. Poor food. All it wanted is to help your body have the energy it needs to function well.

Even if you buy the best car you could find in the planet won’t last long just because of gas. It needs maintenance in its interior and exterior. It needs its battery to be changed, oil to be refilled, wheels, clutch, etc. What I’m trying to say is nothing in the world functions at its best if you just focus in one thing. There’s much more that you need to consider for it to function to its full potential.

Same goes with weight issues. Society makes us believe that the main reason why we have this weight issues is because we eat too much. Is it really? Think well. Do you think with starving yourself, you’ll be able to function well mentally and physically?

If there’s something you should be thinking of food is gratification. With all the people who are hungry, you’re one of the blessed ones and here you are complaining about it. Am I lecturing that much already?haha

My point is, food is not to blame but the other factors in life that you “might” fail to do that causes your weight issues. Do you exercise? Even a 10 minute walk is a great habit. Yes! A 10 minute walk which passes by so quickly when you scroll in social media.

Another is mindful eating. Do you give much thought of the food you eat or you just gobble up your food to get full and get going with life? Treating food as a fuel for your body can be helpful.

I hope I get you thinking this 3 questions before you eat every meal:

a)Does it contain enough protein to keep my body able to carry my growing baby for hours?

b)Did I got too much carbohydrates which transforms to energy for the kind of day I’ll be having today (more of sit in front of computer)?

c)Do I have enough vegetable/ fruits in my plate that would provide my body the vitamins it needs for my activities today?

There you have it! Food is important, don’t skip it!

5. Having a cheat day

As a continuation of my long dialogue(haha earlier~moms are naturally a chatterbox indeed!), food is important for your body. But if you insist on indulging on those crazy/fad diets, then be my guest!

I’m sure the term cheat day isn’t new to you. It isn’t to me either. The problem with this is you starve and try to be at your best eating behaviour for 6 days a week only to sabotage it on your cheat day! How amazing!

Isn’t that ridiculous! I know most of you would react saying that 6 days worth of eating healthy would make-up for a day of unhealthy eating. Would it? Technically yes, but mentally, NO!

It’s like teasing yourself every healthy eating day until when could you do it. Would you really like that pressure every time you eat? Eating should be done with pleasure, not with stress.

Why not indulge on cheat meal instead? This way, you won’t crave for certain food and you’ll know that you still are able to replenish your body with healthy food “within the day” for the crap you ate earlier.

Having a healthy body is part of Self-Care. Whether it comes to food intake or exercising to keep your body fit, to the vitamins you should take to keep your body to its optimum level, all of those are important. Love the body that you have cause like life, you only got one. You need to keep up with it no matter what you do so do well to it, so it would do well to you.

I hope you share your takeaways in this article to inspire more moms! And if you happen to still not join our tribe, make sure to do so! You can also follow me in Instagram @themommywithagoal for daily inspirational message!

Tips to becoming a happy mom

The world has changed drastically.

Not only do we rely more and more in technology nowadays but with the Pandemic paving new ways on how to live our lives has changed. Who could have guessed that working from home would be a possibility?

Nowadays, working remote have been as normal as ever. Not only have people found new passion of living as we’re all forced to make this change over the past year, we have all somehow grown into a different person/thing. Well, aside from how motherhood is done and how most mother’s be.

Let’s change that!

As far as my memory can remember, moms are the most martyr people on earth. With or without pandemic, forced to stay at home with the whole family or not, they have been giving more of themselves than even them doubt they could.

While that’s typical and usual, there should always be a balance to it. I as a mom try to be mindful of that since awakening to the thought that Self-Care should be a must for everyone.

Disclaimer: This article does not impose or any kind say that you are not happy as a mom neither scare women without child yet that motherhood isn’t a happy thing. My sole purpose is to inspire and give another perspective on how things can be done so you can find more happiness in the process of motherhood.😊

Here are my tips to staying happy as a mom no matter what stage in parenting you’re in:

1.Set aside your ego

Everyone already knows that you’re the sole person who can take care of your baby the most. Aside from they came from you, you’re most of the time the primary person who can feed him/her (no doubt about that) but lady, there’s a lot of people around you who care for your baby as much as you do too.

If you’re one of the lucky ones with a hands-on husband/partner, parents who longed to take care of their grandchildren then, use them! And YES, they are as capable (and lousy) as you can be when changing your child’s nappy. The idea is YOU DON’T NEED TO DO THIS ALONE.

Go drink that coffee while it’s still hot! Add more minutes dozing off in the morning while your baby enjoy grandpa and grandma’s company for a while. Not only do you need a time off but these people is an essential part of your child’s being, and they want to be part of it!

That idiom “Raising a child takes a village” may not be prevalent nowadays but it’s still workable and a need not only for you but for your child to grow up learning from different people.

2.Small things matters

When it comes to self-care, we always think of grand stuff. I’m pretty sure the moment you read about it, one of things that pops in your mind is going for a massage or a spa. I’m not saying that’s impossible to do but let’s keep things real here.

As a mother, you yourself know how much is in your plate and how it weighs. And I’m pretty sure you would love it as well having a cup of coffee, being able to pee when you need to, or even being able to change your smelly sweats into a fresh pair (haha…I know you momma! I wear sweats most of the time too!)

My point is, things doesn’t need to be grand to matter, especially as a mother. This small details could already make your day and increase your moral for all you know. So start small! Eventually, you could go bigger!😉

3.Doing it for yourself

I’ve said it earlier, and I’ll say it again, moms usually act as martyrs (even without them knowing it). From the moment we knew that we’re pregnant, we busy ourselves and automatically switched our focus on what/ how could we be the best mother for our child without realising that you’ve been born with maternal instincts within you. Yes, it’s important to have your hands in every available resource to make you a better parent but let’s not forget that in this whirlwind change in your life, what you really need is for yourself to be always whole.

You’ve been a great person with dreams and ambitions of your own before being a mother. Don’t let yourself lose who you are in the process. If there’s a positive effect motherhood could give you, it should be having more inspiration to go forward with your dreams and not become a hindrance.

Forgetting to fill up your cup before showing care for others won’t give you any good in the long run. With this, I hope you start your day with gratitude for another day to live, compliment in the mirror how great you look that morning, and giving yourself a smile.

Knowing that only you could make yourself happy is very important. The people around you and whatever material things you have can only do as much encouragement as they can to make you feel great, but it is only you who could give that true happiness.

So be happy no matter what circumstance you have in life. Have a great mindset and everything will fall into place.😉

I hope you share your takeaways in this article to inspire more moms! And if you happen to still not join our tribe, make sure to do so! You can also follow me in Instagram @themommywithagoal for daily inspirational message!

5 Tips for moms to get back their Self Confidence with the help of Self-Care

Parenthood is one of the most memorable moment that a married couple could have. I for one know without a doubt that the effect my daughter had to my whole being, in all aspects of life, is priceless.

While most of this is a positive effect, we can’t deny there are some that isn’t as well. Somehow along the road of becoming a mother, not all things turns out great. When our priority changes and our world becomes our children, most moms often find themselves lost within their own self.

We tend to see more of this kind of blog for first time moms but in reality, even if a mom is a second or third time mom, most haven’t gotten back their self-confidence or better yet, be at least their same self or find their own identity and not just as a mom. Or worst, those articles that encourages mother’s to be confident when moms are mostly born with maternal instincts. What most moms do have problem though is the confidence of finding their own identity again after being a mom.

Here’s 5 tips every mom could use to bring that confidence back:

1.Learn to overcome the Bad Mommy Syndrome

Focusing too much for your child’s welfare, way too much that you often label yourself a bad mom for choosing to do something you love is not good. How often do you feel guilty for doing something for yourself? Have you ever given any thought that by feeling guilty every time you choose to give-in to your own indulgence also impairs that confidence you’ve once have in yourself in doing things that you love?

Standing up for yourself to do what you love doing takes some guts to do. Don’t let your motherhood take away from you that courage you’ve once had in you but instead, let your motherhood add to your experience to become more confident in doing things.

Your preferences, likes, and hobbies may be different from what you have before but you are still you. You just need to ignite once again that goodness in you.

2.Stop caving in to advice

Motherhood is a tribe where you’re always get’s unsolicited parenting advice no matter if you want it or not. Believe it or not, all of them offer their advice with utmost sincerity for your betterment. The reason why some advices won’t be good for you though is because each one of us live different lives with different circumstances.

One may advice that is’t good for your children to sleep in another room for them to learn independence at a young age. This may be good training for children, if only you live in a house with rooms available for every member of your family. If you’re like us, well, we still co-sleep our daughters (currently 7 and 6 yrs old) not only because that’s our preference but because we also can afford to rent a room, instead of a whole house. Get me?

This decision has been made by me and my husband and it’s something I won’t be shy to talk about. This decision has helped my family align our finances the way we want it to be. Having that confidence to defy other’s advice would not only help you live your life the way you want it to be but also be able to adapt this habit in every aspect of your life.

3. Don’t be shy to take notes

We might have used “mom-brain” more often that we should but most of the times, we are just too shy to admit that our brain isn’t working as sharp as it was. I’m not sure if there’s really any scientific connection of giving birth to our brain function and getting old. What I’m pretty sure though is that one reason why we get forgetful because as we get older, our responsibilities gets bigger as well.

When you have your first child, you would always get a routine fixed on your head. Both of you would follow that routine without fail. Then comes your second and third one. Oh! And add to that soccer practice, ballet, and you sold your other car. So now you need to drop by your hubby’s office to pick him up at 6pm. Oh wow that responsibility quickly escalated and I’m sure your brain would surely give up on you anytime soon if you don’t pick-up that pen and paper (or better yet your phone) to make a to do list.

Decluttering your mind by taking notes isn’t something shameful to do. It helps actually boosts your confidence in doing the things you need to do because you know that that’s what you should be doing at this certain time of the day. Not only do you look organised but you feel it as well. Read more on how decluttering helps you HERE.

3.Stop being shy to speak up

Motherhood is one of the toughest job. One shouldn’t feel belittled whenever they ask for help when needed. Instead feel confident that you’re able to acknowledge your weakness and find a way/ solution to address it. While there isn’t a right or wrong way in parenting, asking other’s help to be able to accomplish more as a mother or even just give yourself some break is important.

Let’s accept it, two pairs of hands and feet can be better than one. We don’t live in the medieval period where women’s main role is to keep the household intact. Aside from nowadays more women are joining the work force or rather have the option if they want to pursue a career, we see most households with men helping around the house as well despite their wives being Stay At Home Moms. We’re all living in the same home anyway, so responsibilities should also be shared.

The catch is, most men aren’t born with the same will as women. Most times, men are more than willing to help, they are just waiting for someone to tell them to do so. So women, it’s actually up to you to build up that confidence and speak up what you need help with. Need 10 minutes to take a bath? Ask your partner/ hubby to watch over your kids for 10 minutes. You might not come back as what you expect (snacks and toys everywhere to clean) but hey, you’re able to take a bath in peace! And besides, snacks and toys would still be everywhere anyways, so why not add that self-love on the side and enjoy a bath!

4.Hiding your emotions

This is actually tied up with #3 but for the sake of highlighting emotions, we had it in a separate humber. Women are born more emotional than men. As cliche as it sounds, getting married though still means you get to live your life with another human being with different background, preferences, etc. This causes friction for someone to hold back their words and emotions which often results to not showing their own true self and hiding behind a persona that they know would be acceptable of their other half.

Doing this in the long run could potentially turn out to an outburst of kept feelings and emotions you’ve been hiding for years. Living with fear of not being accepted as who you are shouldn’t be the case when you find your partner in life. They should be the person who you can open up with no matter what and they in return accepts who you are.

Only with this are you able to be confident again and free yourself of any emotions you have and will have. Motherhood can bring out more emotions that you think you can feel. That surreal feeling of giving birth, the joy and pain of it, the happiness your child brings and the hardships you often do that goes unnoticed. That adds up! It’s not only how you look in the outside that matters, but what you feel in the inside as well. The peacefulness in your heart often resonates how people see you. No great make-up can hide the loneliness in your eyes if your heart is heavy.

5.Finding mutual happiness

When it comes to parenthood/ motherhood, we often push back our own happiness for our children. Even I to this day fall victim for this. And it frustrates me more as I know how and why it happens yet still let myself get controlled by it.

How many times have you been doing things for your children with a gritted teeth behind or a long to-do list behind your head that you kept on thinking how to accomplish yet here you are playing with your child for them to stay happy (cause that’s what parents do). Well, the truth is, no matter what age your child is, you should still be able to be control of yourself. No, I don’t mean letting your child cry and get hungry so you can fold laundry and tick that off your checklist. Believe it or not, children are wiser that we thought and they’re great followers too!

So put those perspectives into good use! Make a routine that would work for both of you. Little ones tend to sleep more so make sure to use those time pockets wisely. Their morning nap could be used to clean up a bit of the house or yourself or eat at peace. Afternoon naps could be used to catch up on your Zzzz’s as well or spend some quality time with other members of the family. Remember though that all this can be done by putting down that culprit “phone” of yours. hahaha.

Create an invisible line to make sure both you and your child know your limits. Learn to say “NO” to them without feeling bad about doing so. As I’ve decided to embark on this journey of blogging, my time as a full-time SAHM has surely become less despite my responsibilities (chores) didn’t. Yet, on times when I’m able to fully follow a routine with my daughters, I’m able to keep up with everything I’m juggling with yet still be able to keep them happy for spending time with them without being distracted physically(doing other chores at the same time) or mentally(thinking of other stuff to do).

It is only with this that both you and your child could be happily living. Giving up on things you want to do in life for others is a short-lived dream. Learn to manage your time, know your priorities and you’ll find a way to do all of them without compromising the other. Sit time, take time to think through your game plan. That’s more strategic than just diving into your day and just accept the chaos of life when there is for a fact a solution to it.

Your happiness is your family’s(husband and children) happiness too. You are the light of your home. Whatever emotions and feelings you have within you resonates to them. You can feel the tension at home when you’re not your real self because you’re frustrated of not being able to do things you want to do just to fulfil what other’s want you to do. By addressing yourself first (always), you’re sure to be able to give them, your family, the best version of you and best love and care you could ever give.

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10 Easy Decluttering tips everyone should know

As daunting as the word decluttering can be, the benefits one can get once they’ve been able to accomplish doing it in their lives is ineffable. Let’s not make this article full of flowery words and simply dive in to the tips you’ve came here for. It’s all about decluttering anyways😉.

1. Give yourself 5 minutes at a time. Decluttering isn’t as easy as you think it is. Saying goodbye to things important to you previously or at present can make you feel emotional at some point. Slowly build momentum with just five minutes a day.

2. Do it one at a time. One item a day is a great initiative. You won’t even realise you’ve given 365 items by year end. It is important to do this slowly but surely. You can slowly increase to 2 items per day if it gets too easy. You can increase the number as you please along the way.

3. Donate clothes. You might not notice but your once favorite shirt have gone forgotten at the bottom of your cabinet. Give a chance for items like this to be of value for the others by donating them. Discard the clothes you never touched after a few months. Put on a trash bag/ box to donate. Here in Singapore, we have Salvation Army. Try finding out where you can donate in your place.

4. Create a checklist. It would be lot easier to declutter when you have clearer vision of where your efforts are direction is going to. You can use our decluttering checklist.

5. Take part of the 12-12-12 challenge. This challenge means locating 12 items to throw away, 12 to donate, and 12 to be returned to their proper home. This is a big step forward from the Tip#2 where you only do 1 item per day. But it’s a challenge, so are you in?

6. Pretend you’ll have your in-laws coming. Doesn’t your home suddenly transform whenever that happens? It’s like you’re suddenly in robot mode trying to clean up your mess before this important person visits. With the Covid still luring around though, don’t expect we won’t be expecting those visits soon but why not just play with your mind and do it for yourself? If there’s anyone you should impress with an organised home, that should be you who lives there, isn’t it?

7. Use social media. You won’t need to deny how much time you spend on social media than you need to and that’s okay. But why not use it for the good so you get some benefit from doing it too, right? Post some before and after photos of an area you’ve been decluttering. It may seemed boastful, but never mind the people around you. Use it as a motivation to see for yourself how you’ve been progressing, you won’t know, maybe you could inspire others to do so too!

8. Get your household involved. Most of us live in a home with someone, mostly are family members. It only makes sense that everyone helps in this process. You won’t want to be liable of dumping stuff that may not seem important to you but to others, it is.

9. Create a system. You can use one system which with a help with four boxes makes your decluttering much more easier to manage. You’ll need to label them: trash, give away, keep, or re-locate. How? You’ll start with one room, make sure to be able to place each item in the room into one of the following boxes. Make sure not to skip any of it no matter how unimportant it seems. This may the most tedious work of all decluttering tips but know that it’s totally worth it.

10. Enjoy the process. There’s nothing more rewarding than being happy everyday doing the things that you love. Unfortunately, life doesn’t work that way, the only way we can eliminate feeling low is by changing our mindset and thinking of a way to see things differently. By always trying to see the good things in everything, you’ll be able to enjoy your life much more, and that includes giving away or selling stuff that you once loved.

I hope you enjoy and slowly apply these useful tips in your life.