How to address intense situation with your child
Do you have a pre/grade schooler? If yes the for sure you’ve been put into situations where you questioned yourself if you’ve taught them well enough about respect and manners.
How come your young one’s attitude suddenly changed? The word “PLEASE” is seldom used.
Or did your child suddenly blabber “stupid” while playing? (Oh yes, this happened to me last week) Can you imagine how fast my blood shot straight to my brain when I heard my youngest said this!
This kind of situations makes us wonder if we’re doing the right thing in raising our children. Sadly, most of the time, our personality gets tested. How do we address anger while still portray a good example to our children?
That’s the very reason I’ve come up with this 4 important C’s.
What’s the 4 C’s?
Yes, your read that right! No matter how angry you are, compose yourself to be calm.
Deep breathes 3-2-1.
First, it’s never been right to scold someone, right? Portraying a good example to your child by actions, not just words. In short, walk the talk =)
Secondly, when you’re angry and scold like a wet parrot, you won’t get convey your message properly. You tend to say the wrong (sometimes, hurtful) words that you won’t be able to get back once said.
You’ll just release your anger to your child and your poor child then builds up anger against you anger instead understanding what they did wrong.
As a result, the receiver of your message (your poor child) would most likely just build-up anger upon you and shut themselves from whatever you’re saying. You get stressed and angry, they get stressed and angry to you too.
All those advice that you tell them just goes to thin air. Totally what you intend to do and what you imagined parenting would look like.
Which brings us to the second important C.
Your child may be young but they have great minds and can understand if talked through things. Believe me, as this has been tried and tested with my two daughters.
I won’t try to be an angel here to say that I haven’t lose my temper with them. I had, of course! But I’m grateful to say that upon knowing this 4 C’s and applying them, my mood had become more calm. I had better connection with my daughters. I feel more close to them now despite the age difference and mindsets. Haha.
So how to connect when your head is burning hot of anger?! Well, if you still have a hot head, I recommend you to go do the 1st C again. =)
You should be calmed down by now and ready to communicate.
Not just talk. Talking is more like performing a stand-up and your audience either laugh at your jokes or throw rotten tomatoes at your face.
Communicate so your child can freely tell you their thoughts and opinion. You’ll get to learn more on where/how they got that bad habit and know more how to resolve the problem.
What’s great about this? Your child didn’t have any resentment against you. You won’t feel sorry about yourself for saying hurtful words as well.
Having a heart to heart talk doesn’t end without any “pinky promise” in our home. What do you have in yours?
Once you’ve understood the situation more and gauged your options, it’s time to established what lessons have been learned from it and set rules/guidelines for it not to happen again.
You’ll feel more like talking to adults by now and your kids will feel great as well. They’re receiving much respect from you as well.
Call your crew
That one-on-one talk ends by calling your crew a.k.a. the rest of the family. By sharing what happened and telling them you new rules/guidelines helps set the tone in your home.
You move on to your next obstacle and not get worried about that one bad thing to happen again, not just with one of your daughter/son but the rest of your family.
I can already smell some harmony within your home in the next few days….you’re lucky if it takes weeks =)
You know, when you have kids, they are still in their learning period. That’s out main purpose anyway. The very reason why we’re here, isn’t it? To guide them. So guide them correctly and wisely =)
I’d love to hear how this 4 important C’s help your family as well!
Remember to be Compose, Connect, have Clarity and Call your crew with your tribe!